GPS

Some People Never Quite Understand Their Technology

Allan Wicker, in the interest of enlightenment, submits his experiences. Our ever-helpful members respond.

Neal (left) and Allan (right) getting it straight
NEAL (LEFT) AND ALLAN (RIGHT) GETTING IT
STRAIGHT FROM THE GPS MANUAL

The other day after watching Star Trek, I went out and got a GPS 38 (you know, Global Positioning System device).

Excited to use it, I went out into the middle of a big field (I'm fully aware of the inaccuracy due to this thing called Selective Availability) and punched in this position point that I wanted to come back to. I waited until I had a good lock on 6 bars first. Then I walked some distance away -- at least half a mile. Making sure that I still had a good position fix, I then pressed the "GOTO" button and selected my point from the menu. Not really sure what was going to happen next, in order to protect myself, I eased down to the ground and standing on my feet, sort of turned into a human ball. Then, with my right arm extended to the heavens holding the GPS, I clenched my eyes shut and pressed the "Enter" button.

There was no flash of light. No boom. No twinkle. Not even a puff of smoke. I cautiously opened my eyes. Can you believe it? I hadn't even moved an inch, let alone anywhere closer to the point I had selected.

Is my unit defective? I traded my car for it and am now without transportation until I can get it working. Will fresh batteries make any improvements? --Allan

Neal Johns responds:
There are a number of possible reasons why you have been so disappointingly unsuccessful.

  1. Due to a joint litigation from Messrs. Delta, American, and Northwest, Garmin was forced to block out this function in the 52 states.
  2. You may be above average weight, excessively pregnant, or were carrying oversize baggage. These issues receive scant coverage in the users manual. Have you ever asked a flight attendance for anything on any of the above carriers?
  3. Wearing rubber-soled shoes can affect reliable operation as well as looking strange.
  4. This may be a problem specific to this particular model. Users of the 90 etc. have had no similar occurrences and have been generally pleased with this model. Maybe had you had a more expensive car originally, you could have bought one with the added global features.
  5. Were you standing next to a large fixed object? Because of SA and local oscillator jitter it is possible that the object might have moved instead. There is a software trap to prevent this sort of thing from happening normally although one unfortunately owner inadvertently moved the entire London Bridge to some desert somewhere whilst on a visit over there. There are also known problems which affect such mundane household items such as blood-stained gloves, knives, vases, and large weapon shipments. There are probably lawyers specializing in this sort of thing now who will be able to divest you of all your remaining worldly belongings.

Steve Pencall weighs in with more advice:
It's probably just fine. Try going up in an aircraft, and get above the 18,000 mile vertical "dead-band" that's limiting you. Of course, don't go over 104 mph, lest you trigger the other Garmin feature and are subjected to "Poor GPS Coverage."

And from Sue Jaussaud:
I think you are missing the aluminum foil lined wingtip shoes. Give it a try.

John Page, Aridologist jg, with some suggestions:
Have you ever tried...saying ENGAGE ...or ENERGIZE...? I know some people that have tried it and have a lot of good experience with it!!! Have you tried offering some shampoo...? That often leads to wonderful results!

Homer Meek offers sage advice:
You're trying to use your unit in the manual navigation mode! You'll need to walk, ride or fly to get back to that GOTO waypoint. The "auto-nav transport" mode is a little harder to use. Get to the menu that has the following entry: "Beam me up, Scotty!"
Highlight and then press ENTER. On my Garmin 45, it is the same menu that has the Enable Speed >90 Knots entry. Of course, you have to know the special key sequence to get to it and I can't remember it! Can anyone help us out here?

Our own Anne Stoll with her trouble-shooting tips:
Apparently the GOTO feature has been disabled until Selective Availability has been turned off. Just imagine the embarrassment this could cause when you want to go home at the end of the day and end up in your neighbor's bathroom (whilst occupied?)!

Lastly, from Tom Church:
Are you using an atomic power source, or a potato battery?



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